not even knowing how to go forward,
not wanting to go back.
Wanting to go up
but every step shows how far down I am.
So many years following the stairs
without realizing when I move my feet ahead
they automaticly move in the opposite direction.
Is it worth it?
Am I worth it?
Will I ever get the chance?
There are many questions that I always avoid
assuming the answer is always positive
but now I don't know. It doesn't seem clear:
what I'm aiming for and the possibilities there are for me.
They doesn't seem to match anymore.
They probably never did...
And now we've come to this.
It can always get worse. I know it'll get
but it was so sudden that I was on my lowest lows
searching for a solution
or just waiting to go temporarily up as other times
and instead I was kicked deeper
beneath the ground
and as I go lower
I get loner.
People that go away,
people that I'm leaving away
but people that are not here.
"It's always darkest before the dawn" they say
but just the existance of dawn doesn't seem true today.
So I'll keep flowing under water
until it takes me to a place
or I drawn
or whatever...
23 years and still into this,
still I need to write this nonsense.